Australia pull England's pants down
Plus notes on the new MCG wicket and Scott Boland.
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Cameron Green has his pants down.
He actually pulls them down himself. A back-of-length ball from Brydon Carse pushes Green onto his back foot where the ball hits the centre of the blade, but up on the stickers. This is where it goes poorly. The ball has top spin and kicks out on the offside a little quicker.
Carse has some issues as a cricketer, but he is a very good athlete, and he notices this chance quickly and dashes over. Green is far back in the crease, and also unsure whether to run for this. He gestures to Neser, who decides to go through.
Carse picks the ball up well, and really could have gone to either end, but he rightly turns and fires towards where Green is running.
Somehow, the ball misses the tall Aussie and crashes into the stumps. Green is run out by a distance.
Then as England celebrate the wicket, poor Green has to pull his trousers back up.
On another day, this would be the most embarrassing thing, and would lead the coverage of Australia’s collapse. Instead, it is as if Green and Australia were mooning England. Essentially saying, yeah, we aren’t that good, but you’re still worse.
No matter how it starts for England, the end is always bad.
There are two Australian batting lineups, the one on paper and the one we are watching. The one written down looks like it is great. Usman Khawaja and Marnus Labuschagne have been incredible run scorers over a long period, Travis Head can win any match and Steve Smith was GOATed so long back we can barely remember when. Sure, Alex Carey is mostly a 50 merchant, Cameron Green is still a project and Jake Weatherald is new. But you’d take a punchy keeper, allrounder who can make some runs, and one fringe guy when you have four other players of that quality.
In reality, this batting order has been spluttering for a long time now, and over the last two years is averaging under 30. That includes their last WTC campaign where they made the final. This is a team that does not make consistent runs anymore.
A bit like South Africa used to be, their bowling is carrying almost all the water.
Khawaja found a great run of form, and then an almost as bad a drought. Labuschagne seems to have been worked out, and was even dropped. Smith was an opener for a while, and at other times he has been searching for his hands. Even Head had a dip in form, in between innings that change the gravitational force of the entire planet.
And this is the version of Australia that England were bowling to. In the first Test, the Aussies had two makeshift openers due to Khawaja’s issues, and a debutant at the other end. And yet, England still got roasted by this opening partnership. Labuschagne found form (though their were signs before). Smith has made runs at number four, but also got Vertigo and missed a match. Head has torched them from his new spot. And Khawaja has come back into the middle order to make runs and save his career for now.
Outside of Labuschagne (who wasn’t number three in the previous series), none of this has gone to plan.
Only Carey is averaging more in the last two years than previously. Every other Australian batter is in a slump, at least compared with the immediate period before this. In the case of Khawaja, Labuschagne and Green, were talking paper-thin averages.
Batting in Australia has been tough, and that has affected the locals as much as anyone. A confluence of bad form, reinforced seams, the wobbleball and Australian grass has caused everyone issues. But it does mean when you come to Australia, the Tests are artificially closer. Because the days of Australia winning the toss, batting first, and declaring for 550 are so rare.
Coming to Australia used to mean standing in the field for days on end, even if you won the series. Now everything is sped up, and you are one good spell or partnership from stealing a match.
