What if England were the best bowling team in the third innings? Because that sentence is so boring no one has noticed.
Bazball is about slogging so hard you get to play more golf, declaring so early you get to drink until you vomit on yourself between matches and saving Test cricket while looking sexy as fuck.
Also being that the third innings is usually the most perfunctory innings - why would anyone give a hell? It’s the one part of the game where you are most likely to press simulate innings in a computer game.
That is what England have done. They have made the third innings so boring that teams really try to simulate their innings rather than just going about their job. This is all the third innings against them so far. I have the other New Zealand third innings on here, but this was something very different because it was a follow-on. That may be why it was the first time a team did well against them. The other one is Ireland, who scored a reasonable total but the game was already dead then.
No one else has passed 350 against them. And unless something special happens here, that won’t happen again.
One of the reasons this has happened is that England choke teams.
You take even a glimpse at this and you can tell what they have been doing. The only time a team scored way quicker against them in the third innings was when Ireland’s tail slogged a few to ensure England had to bat again. The only other occasion it was quicker was New Zealand in the third Test last summer, and then only slightly. England attack with the ball in the first innings and they defend in the second.
It might seem weird, but they are a very good defensive bowling team. And because of Stokes’ fields, it means they are always a chance of chipping in with a wicket.
But they’ve also been helped by a very peculiar cricket trend.
Third innings pickle theory is a term coined by Surrey commentator Johnny Barran and embraced by BBC Broadcaster Daniel Norcross. Essentially it boils down like this. The third innings differs from any other in a Test or first-class match.
The first knock is the most simple, you are trying to get as many runs as possible. The second is more or less the same, but you are thinking about trying to get par. The fourth is when you have a target, or draw in mind. These are the most normal batting parts that make a lot of sense.
The third innings doesn’t always pickle. Sometimes the third innings is quick and simple. If a team is behind, they will want to make as many runs as possible, and then hopefully get a lead. If a team is in front, they will want to get enough runs to bowl to win the match.
Where the third innings pickles is when there is a time element. Imagine the Test is par at halfway. But three days of cricket have been played. The team batting first now has to bat, but they no longer have the simple equation of making runs, the game is now about time as well, and making a declaration as well. Cricket has gone from a 3D sport to 5D chess. However, Australia aren’t quite in a time pickle here.
It’s not like a chase. You can sometimes score too quickly, especially if you want to give the opposition a set amount of overs. You can also bat too slowly, meaning you need to step on the gas. But you’re doing this on an older pitch, and you don’t have the certainty of a chase. Hence, the pickle.
It’s why when teams are often well in front of a match, and should be strolling to a 350 lead, they often have a wobble.
I have taken out the games where England had a massive lead, or the other team was blown away and the follow-on match. These are the five occasions - before this match - where England went in at near par or even well behind against the best Test nations. You can see at all three of the New Zealand Tests it was par at halfway. The Kiwis had chances to set totals, but they often got confused, bored, frustrated or over-attacked and never set enough.
The India match is interesting. India had a chance to knock up a quick 300 after a big lead in the first innings. Six of India’s batters made it to double figures, no one went past 66. England kept chipping away, and India limped towards 245, and England destroyed them in the chase.
The Australia game was another one with a big lead. Australia were essentially 287 in front with 2 wickets down in the middle of their third innings. The game should have been completely cut off. But England bowled dry, waited for mistakes and kept chipping away. Australia were so far ahead that England didn’t win. But they gave it a fair shake.
These are the bowlers with over 90 overs in the third innings. You will see there is no singular bowler with a good average here. And that makes sense because the key to this plan is that any of their bowlers can take wickets at any time. That set batters and dry fields will result in a mistake. So there is no bowler with a low mark and none with a high average. Consistency is the key.
No one goes at more than 3.5 runs an over either. Stokes as the fifth bowler, and usually the one who tries the most is worse than the rest. But he’s also very good at getting set batters so that evens out. They have a plan, and they all stick to it, and when that doesn’t work they milk the last bits of cartilage out of Stokes’ knees.
The Ollie Robinson to Usman Khawaja moment in the first Test was the peak of this. This field was about making Khawaja score square while taking a risk. Eventually, he did, and he was out. Robinson was bowling cutters and yorkers at the time. It was like death bowling with a slow-pitch field.
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