Dale Steyn, CEO. Khurram Shahzad, intern?
by Behram Qazi
Khurram Shahzad is a skilful bowler. He can swing the ball in the air, seam it off the deck, and his bowling action has been likened to Dale Steyn’s.
He delivered the first ball of Day Two at Headingley, after what was a near four-hour rain delay in the first England v Pakistan Test. Big booming outswinger, beating the outside edge of Joe Root’s bat. Steyn would have approved.
Two balls later, Khurram nipped one back into Root, striking his pad. A vociferous appeal followed, but to no avail.
The second-highest run-scorer in Test history pinched a single off the last ball of the over, only to get beaten by Khurram again the next time he faced him, an over later. The ball angled in on this occasion, seaming away from Root, leaving him flummoxed.
For a moment, this looked like it would be Khurram’s day.
The third over of his spell started and ended with a freebie on Cox’s pads, dealt with a flick of the wrist to the fence both times. In between, he bowled his second no-ball in less than two and a half overs, and was squeezed away for two more boundaries by Cox on the offside.
He had conceded 17 runs in the over, and was taken out of the attack immediately. No one was comparing him to Steyn today.
Ten overs later, Khurram was back for another go at Root and Cox. Both batters had ignored the windy conditions with overcast skies, leaving well, running hard, and cashing in on looseners. They were also half-centurions by now.
The first ball of Khurram’s new spell was banged in short. Cox flayed at it, only for the return catch to be dropped.
He tried his luck again, bowling the same delivery right after, only for Cox to swat it to the midwicket fence. Then, with his seamer bowling short slow filth, Salman Ali Agha moved his midwicket to the offside. This was Pakistan’s 7-2 field. This is often used as a tactic, but let’s be clear: they were desperately trying to get their seamer to bowl on one side of the wicket.
Instead, the next ball went through the vacancy.
In the space of a few balls all four of Mohammad Rizwan, Saud Shakeel, Abdullah Shafique and Salman Ali Agha had a word with Khurram. What he lacked in skill in comparison to Steyn, was also what he lacked in wits.
The next ball was delivered outside off, and punched to the fence by Cox. Three boundaries in the over. Pakistan had most of their fit men on the offside, plus a few spare sweaters, and it still didn’t matter.
However, his teammates’ words got through to Khurram thereafter, who delivered his first maiden over of the series, with all six balls in and around off-stump. In his next over, he bowled a straight one to Root with that same 7-2 field, which England’s skipper missed, and was pinned leg before wicket.
At the start of Khurram’s next over, he drew Harry Brook’s edge, which was shelled in the slip cordon by Agha. The ball also went to the rope.
That moment changed the spell entirely. Three more boundaries in his next 11 balls, and then Khurram was taken out of the attack.
When he came back on, he was dreadful.
Khurram is skilful, but when your senior players have to trick you into bowling straight, swinging, seaming and a vague likeness to Dale Steyn may not be enough to save you.
If Steyn is a CEO, Khurram is a 26-year-old intern.
***
Origami veterans or plastic cups? Take your pick, Pakistan
by Rob Barron
Plastic glasses were the oxymoronic talking point in the row in front of me today.
According to one actual moron, they exist because of 9/11. Pakistan’s 9-11 may as well not exist, as they average 8, 6 and 0. Plastic glasses do certainly exist, as I’m sure they did before 2001, and they provided the highlight of the session to a number of the crowd who were bored, because England had decided to play proper cricket.
An old bloke in a green jacket was carrying 4 plastic pints back down the stairs to his mates. He stumbled. £30 on the floor, raucous laughter everywhere, the bloke with the trumpet played circus music. Lovely stuff.
On the field, Pakistan saw some clouds yesterday and folded like the origami veterans they are. They got to bowl under those clouds today, and they weren’t up to it. They made Jordan Cox - batting number three for the second time in his whole life - look like Joe Root and they made Joe Root look like Joe Root. Too many Roots.
If this post-Ben Stokes side is actually developing sentience, employing such tactics as ‘playing the match situation’ and not just trying to belt every ball into the car park, they might actually become a decent cricket team.
They brought up a chanceless 150-run stand of consummate ease and looked set for another 150.
Then Cox feathered one behind. Root got out straight after. And Harry Brook came in and nicked one straight to second slip.
Salman Ali Agha dropped it, cut his right hand, stormed off the field, booted the Toblerone, and tried to cut his left hand on the advertising boards.
There was a whole session left, but Pakistan fielded like pantomime horses and are staring firmly down the barrel.
Maybe nothing’s changed after all. Pakistan played cricket like they were plastic cups.
