Previously at the IPL

Parents being able to scream at their useless progeny as Vaibhav Suryavanshi smashes a hundred might just be the true spirit of cricket.

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So I had this dream, and it was really weird. MS Dhoni was in it, but he had never played for India. And yet he was still a star, but like a weird one, the kind you only dust off in case the fans get angry at you. In fact, in some games, he is kept on the shelf so long that a man who averages 50 in ODIs and has more IPL titles than orifices ends up batting at number nine. Nine.

What a weird dream that was.

Welcome to Previously at the IPL.

So we have a chance to restart the IPL. Though if we get any player for the tournament this year to come over, they would drop that chance. I get it, players hit the ball higher now. And because of that you have to wait longer than a mommy deep-sea octopus does to give birth. Also, because players hit the ball so high now, it means that half the fielders come over. The whole thing looks like a Benny Hill clip. Just people running into each other and missing everything. Is it possible we’re creating a generation of cricketers without hands?

The search for the 300-game is still on. Or actually, is it? We had SRH go crazy early on, and since then, there have not been as many runs. Maybe we need even more impact subs. What about 11 batters, and the bowlers can hit the showers. But what happened to all the runs? Have you seen Sunrisers play now? It's like watching the creepy 22-year-old who has no game and legally shouldn’t be doing it trying to flirt with 16-year-olds who know he’s a loser. TraviShek, now sounds like a mid-market industrial company that sells the aglets for the ends of shoelaces.

And somehow Punjab are no longer a joke. They are also not quite a fully serious team. But like, this is a huge improvement. Who knew building a sensible squad was actually going to help them? Maybe they should have tried that earlier. Just a thought.