The shit off
Australia bowled about as bad as they were physically able to in the first session. Pat Cummins can’t stop drifting wide, Mitch Starc bowled short and wide so often that it felt like he wanted fours, and Josh Hazlewood still looked sick. Then Scott Boland came on, and he was immaculate. At holding the drinks.
Australia won the toss, dropped a seamer, bowled first and sprayed the ball around like an F1 driver with champagne.
South Africa rode their luck; they attacked - often stupidly - but got away with it and the Aussies had their most expensive opening session to a Test in recent history.
This with one of the most experienced bowling attacks ever, and instead of bowling like that, it was a bunch of toddlers losing their toys. This was a good batting wicket, and that seemed to fry their brains.
All South Africa had to do was stay in, and not be idiots. They decided that was a stupid idea.
Marques Ackerman gave up a chancy but breathtaking hundred by doing the most obvious thing ever. The moment he faced Nathan Lyon, everyone knew he was looking for his milestone by hitting a six, all the Aussie offie had to do was slow it down outside off stump.
Then Aiden Markram, David Bedingham and Wiaan Mulder went out to obvious short ball plans.
Temba Bavuma went out to Nathan Lyon, because for some reason, he cannot play offspin.
For the first part of his career, he was better against offspin than slow left arm, which is obviously the normal pattern. And since 2022, he has stopped being able to play the ball turning in.
In this series, he has looked like a club player to Lyon, and world-class against the rest. Then Matthew Breetzke was the sixth victim of Connolly’s finger spin in first-class cricket. Meaning three wickets to spin came from the batter’s error or straight balls, to add to the three from short balls.
158-0 became 236/6.
Which gave up all their advantage, before they had their second partnership of the day. The ball got soft, Ryan Rickleton and Marco Jansen batted well, and they looked to end Australia for the second time.
Then Starc got the super swingy new ball, and ended the innings quicker than an early morning fart.
On a flat pitch, against an Australian bowling attack that made the wrong decision at the toss and with their eleven, South Africa ended with a mid score from two partnerships and four ducks. It was like each team was trying to lose, not win, and they ended up roughly where they started.
South Africa are still favourites, but by the end of the day, it didn’t feel that way.
